The Cripple and the Fairy
by TheMitmit
Summary: Hephaestus and Ganymedes in modern times, being general nuisances to each other.


**Present Day**

Hephaestus sat gloomily on the café stool, glaring at the candle placed in front of him, lighting a small circle on the well scrubbed table. Ganymedes was supposed to have been here an hour ago, and when he got bored.....He glared at the blonde waitress with the one eyebrow who always insisted on calling him "Hephie." She was properly distracted. Letting his mind calm into a peaceful center, he cupped his hands around the flame—and lifted it from the wick up to his face, which glowed with a fiery light.

"Alright, my little flame, where's old Gany?" The flame sputtered, turned blue, and suddenly showed within the depths of its brightness a blond young man, dressed in a forest green coat, being beaten over the head with a newspaper.

"Get your hands off me, you old biddy!" a little voice squeaked.

"I saw you, you were harassing my granddaughter on the train!"

"Madame, if you _knew _how impossible that was—!"

Hephaestus snickered, and as soon as he did so the flame went out.

"Damn. Well, at least this time he has an excuse." Sighing, Hephaestus took another sip of coffee.

Ganymedes was the only one of the old immortals that he regularly kept in touch with. The others...had gone more insane than usual.

A few years ago, Aphrodite had started her own talent agency for young girls hoping to be Miss America. He wasn't sure what she was doing now, though...he hadn't seen her in four years. And down here on Earth, that was a long time.

Poseidon had started up his own marine animal centre down in San Diego. Last time he went there one of the sharks in the petting zoo bit his finger off. It took a whole day to grow back.

And what was Zeus doing? Chasing after young girls, most likely.

"Sorry I'm late!" Ganymedes suddenly appeared across from him, panting and battered, his hair ruffled.

"That old lady really gave you a beating, didn't' she?" Hephaestus laughed.

Ganymedes blushed. "You saw?"

"I used the candle." At Ganymedes' shocked face, he added, "No one noticed."

"Good, because you can really get in a lot of trouble for that sort of thing."

"There was a time when it was respected," Hephaestus sighed.

"Well, that time isn't now." Ganymedes got up. "I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want anything?"

"No thanks." He watched Ganymedes stride up to the register, looking as handsome as ever.

"Look what years of sex deprivation has done to me," he muttered. A few minutes later, Ganymedes came back munching on an egg salad sandwich.

"This is a really nice place you chose," he sputtered through a mouthful of egg.

"Yeah, I come here a lot."

"I noticed. That waitress over there winked at you when she saw you sitting over here."

Hephaestus sniggered. "Oh god!"

"Wouldn't that be 'oh me?'"

"Only on days when I feel powerful."

"How often is that?"

"Never."

For a few minutes they sat in contented silence till Ganymedes said meekly, "Um, how is Zeus doing?"

"Oh no, don't bring this up again."

"What? I'm just curious—"

"No you're not, you're on another one of your quests to get him back."

"Well, what if I am?" Ganymedes sighed. "I have nothing else to do, it's not like I'm cupbearer anymore!"

"Do you really want to go back to that?" Hephaestus said dryly.

"At least I had a purpose!"

Hephaestus patted his hand. "Is your life really so dull?"

"I miss Olympus," Ganymedes sniffed.

"We all do," Hephaestus said quietly.

* * *

_When night sets us free_

**A Few Hours Later**

"Can't you make the subway go faster?" Ganymedes sighed, staring blearily across the tracks at a bright sign proclaiming "Is Cealis right for YOU?"

"I'm not in the mood to manipulate people at the moment," Hephaestus yawned. Ganymedes, in a huff, got up from the graffitied bench they'd been sharing for the past twenty minutes.

"Alright, let's see if I can put my powers to the test!" he cried, raising his fists into the air.

"Oh God," Hephaestus groaned.

"Okay; subway, ARRIVE!" Ganymedes stretched out his arms, leaning his head back dramatically, his eyes raised to the Heavens.

"The train still isn't due for another ten minutes," Hephaestus sighed.

Ganymedes let his arms fall fitfully back at his sides.

"You just love watching me make a fool of myself, don't you?"

"Actually, I'm in pain right now," Hephaestus muttered, half reading the peeling concert fliers and wanted posters on a nearby trashcan.

"Damn it, I can't do anything useful!"

"That's not true; you could make wine and get me drunk."

"How thrilling." Ganymedes rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bench, only to be aware five minutes later he had just sat in gum.

"Uh, there was something I wanted to ask you..." he said sheepishly.

"Yeah?" Hephaestus raised his bushy black eyebrows; he knew what was coming.

"Well...do you mind if I stay with you for a while? I'm...I'm homeless."

Hephaestus looked at him blankly, his mouth gaping open in surprise, expected nonetheless.

"Weren't you living with 'what's his name'?"

"Alan," Ganymedes said dryly, glaring at Hephaestus.

"Yeah. What happened with him?"

"Well..." Ganymedes blushed. "I cut off my hand...with a buzz saw."

_I don't want to know how he did that. _"And what happened?"

"He saw it grow back."

Hephaestus sighed. "That's the problem with mortals. They're only comfortable for so long."

"He was nice, though," Ganymedes said wistfully. "Until he tried to exorcise me, that is."

* * *

**The Creation of Women**

_From the many observations of Hermes_

"Hephaestus?"

"What?"

"I have a project for you."

"I've _seen _what you did to Prometheus, why the fuck should I help you?"

"Don't you disobey me!"

"Fine. What do you want?"

"Women."

"What are they?"

"Pretty things for men."

"Like napkins?"

"No, not like napkins! They're human!"

"Are these for Pro's things?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Wouldn't be mad, then?"

"He's chained to a rock and having his liver eaten out everyday, what else would he be?"

"Okay. Can I have one?"

"No, the first one's for Epimetheus."

"Damn."

"Don't curse!"

"Fine. I'll go get some mud."

"Mud?"

"That's what they're made of."

"Alright, good. But don't ravish them!"

* * *


End file.
